Emotional turmoil...

Its ironical that every time u think of doing good, all you end up doing is creating a mess…Nothing new...I mean it might be a common phenomenon… nothing interesting either but it does hurt to notice that your actions end up hurting someone…the thought doesn’t matter…the feelings behind the actions doesn’t count but what is left behind is the sadness that you see residing in the eyes of the person for whom you care the most…there are some words that strike you hard but there are those unspoken words that leave an impact on you that you just cannot ignore…it’s like a needle that keeps pricking you…you want to mend things, you want to bring that smile on that face yet all you manage to do is make that person feel like going away…you have waited to see that person, be with that person, you always dreamt of making it the best time of that person’s life and yet your action makes it impossible for that person to even breathe…it churns my heart to be a reason for that unhappiness, for that breathlessness…I wish I could be a reason for that beautiful smile, a reason for that person to feel at ease, to feel like loving more…not a reason for someone’s boredom…I would rather be the laughter in the talks than the disappointment in someone’s eye…why cant it be that you can be together without hassles? Without distance? The depth of the feelings increase yet there are things that keep you away…there are things that make you want to cry out loud…there are pains that rip your heart out and yet there is this unfathomable strength to keep it going…the thought of not loving, not being loved is so unbearable that your heart gives you every strength it can summon to make it move ahead…it’s a difficult ride,at times even funny the way it makes you do things that you never thought you could do…things that you didn’t believe in…things you thought your mind was incapable of processing…the strength is what keeps me alive through each day hoping that the next sunrise will bring a better tomorrow…in the hope of hearing those loving words, I can live through each agonizing night filled with anticipation…to hear just the few words of love and that beautiful smile, I can live through the depths of loneliness with a smile on my face…I hope this reason never dies…I hope this feeling never dries…